1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,240 (ENGINE REVVING) 2 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:09,280 (TRAIN HORN BLASTS) 3 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,040 (CHEERING) 4 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:59,040 - Hello! - Greetings! 5 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,520 Thank you so much. Thank you. 6 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,560 (CHEERING CONTINUES) 7 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,600 JEREMY: Thanks, everybody. 8 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,440 Good noises. 9 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,360 (CHEERING) 10 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,320 JEREMY: Thank you. Thank you, everyone. 11 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:19,880 Welcome! And in this incredible show... 12 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,840 JEREMY: Richard reads a map... 13 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,520 James wears a hat... 14 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,960 And I remember how old I am. 15 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,800 (SIGHS) I'm 57. 16 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000 - (APPLAUSE) - Brilliant stuff. 17 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,280 A brilliant show. A good one. 18 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:38,480 Now, that smorgasbord 19 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,280 of nail-biting action is all to come, 20 00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:43,920 but we start with our feet firmly on the ground. 21 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:47,280 You see, us three agree on, well, almost nothing, really, 22 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:51,240 but we do agree that all medium-sized SUVs 23 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,000 are dreary and drab and rubbish. 24 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,720 Yes, but, and we were talking about this the other day, 25 00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,720 they are incredibly popular. 26 00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,240 And we were arguing over which ones we'd buy, 27 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,920 if we absolutely had to. 28 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,680 Yeah, and needless to say, we couldn't agree. 29 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,040 No, it got quite heated. 30 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,360 It did get very heated indeed. 31 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:10,600 So we decided we should settle it 32 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:13,560 by taking The Grand Tour this week to Canada. 33 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,080 No, we didn't. 34 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,040 JEREMY: This was the meeting point we chose. 35 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,520 The Area 27 race track. 36 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:33,680 It was designed by F1 star Jacques Villeneuve. 37 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,440 And it's a bit of a hidden gem. 38 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,080 And I'd be driving round it in this: 39 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:48,600 the new Alfa Romeo Stelvio. 40 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,960 There is no way in hell that I would buy one of these 41 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,400 because the saloon on which it's based 42 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,200 is faster, cheaper, more economical 43 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:01,600 and nicer to drive, 44 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,720 but if I had to have an SUV... 45 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,200 This is what I'd choose. 46 00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:10,200 At this point, May arrived 47 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,080 in the supercharged V6 Range Rover Velar. 48 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,040 Well, you've done that wrong. 49 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,080 - No, I haven't. - Mm. 50 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,560 Look, in the first season of The Grand Tour, 51 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,600 we did a big test of three large off-roaders. 52 00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,320 You had a Range Rover and you went: 53 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,040 "You'd be mad not to have a Range Rover, 54 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,440 the Range Rover is literally the best." 55 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:34,240 So you can't then stand there and say that it isn't. 56 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,920 What I meant when I said you'd got it wrong, well, I meant two things. 57 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:39,160 One: you've picked the wrong one, you should have had an Alfa, 58 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:41,440 and two: it's the wrong colour. 59 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:43,160 I saw one of those in London 60 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,880 the other day and it was silver, 61 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,880 and it's one of the best-looking cars I've ever seen. 62 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,440 It is a very good-looking car, yes, I agree. 63 00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:50,120 Really good-looking. That's just hideous. 64 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:54,240 That looks like it's got a glovebox full of K and MDF... 65 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:55,560 What, building materials? 66 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,080 No, not MDF. What do I mean? What is it? I don't know. 67 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,520 - DIRECTOR: MDMA. - MDMA. Director knew that, weirdly. 68 00:04:00,560 --> 00:04:01,920 Anyway, never mind that. 69 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,800 What that is is a Range Rover 70 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,840 that sits between the Evoque and the Range Rover Sport. 71 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,000 I thought the Disco sat there. 72 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,600 No, that sits over to one side. 73 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:18,080 No, the Discovery Sport sits between the Evoque and the... 74 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,800 - No, wait. - No, the Discovery Sport... 75 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,200 - Hang on, you've got Evoque. - Yes. 76 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,320 Discovery Sport off to one side. 77 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:25,600 - No, it isn't. - Yes, it is. 78 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,560 - Why is it? - Because that's the serious off-roady bit, not the... 79 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,800 It's not serious! 80 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,960 JEREMY: Before we had a chance to get to the bottom 81 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,480 of Land Rover's very complicated line-up, 82 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,280 Richard Hammond arrived in a Porsche Macan. 83 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,560 Wow, Hammond, that is modern. 84 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:41,880 Yeah, that's where you're wrong. 85 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,160 He's making a habit of that. 86 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,040 This is the new Porsche Macan Turbo Performance Pack. 87 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:49,520 You get 40 horsepower more than the standard Turbo, 88 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,040 so it makes 434 in total. 89 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,160 - I'm sorry, 434? - Yeah, in there, yes. 90 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,000 And you managed to make it move? 91 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,960 - Why? - 505! 92 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,040 Italian horses. 93 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,000 Which, let's face it, a flock of Italian horses 94 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,880 could go from Shire to Shetland. 95 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,480 - These are German horses... - How many torques? 96 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,160 - 442. - 443. 97 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,560 Oh, right. One more. 98 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,800 Well, it's too many for a car on stilts. 99 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,000 - This isn't! - It's high, that, isn't it? 100 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,640 What do you mean? Of course it's high! 101 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:21,840 It looks like somebody's startled it! (SHRIEKS) 102 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:23,200 It's an SUV! 103 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,440 (ARGUING CONTINUES) 104 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,480 JEREMY: At this point, 105 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,320 we decided to get on with testing 106 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:32,840 the "S" part of our SUVs, the sporty bit. 107 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,000 We began by sending a BMW M3 sport saloon 108 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,400 round the track to get a benchmark time. 109 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,360 It's a really, really good race track. 110 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:55,480 "Good race track" is like saying "fun fair", 111 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,680 it's just a contradiction. 112 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,440 James, I think most of our viewers would disagree with you on that. 113 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,720 I dunno. 114 00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:04,280 - Here it comes. - Here it is, and... 115 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:09,880 Two minutes 26 seconds, 116 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,600 and James May will now fail to match that 117 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,560 in his Range Rover Velar. 118 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,000 JEREMY: James was soon ready to go, 119 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:25,240 but there was a problem. 120 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,640 Can you hear me in the BMW? 121 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,480 Could we have the brown BMW get off the track? 122 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:33,840 DIRECTOR: Saying the key isn't in the car. 123 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,720 - Well, how did he do a lap? - I don't know. 124 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,800 Because if it was keyless, if somebody got out 125 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:39,440 with the key and it was running... 126 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,680 - No, no, cos they stop. - No, they don't. 127 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:42,880 What? 128 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,000 Course they don't, cos otherwise it'd just stop on the motorway. 129 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:46,280 What they won't do is restart. 130 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:49,440 All the while this is going on, I'm forgetting the track. 131 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,240 You go down here and you go left, 132 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,760 and then it's a fog. 133 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,280 Who has the key? 134 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,280 Come on, one of you has been near the BMW. 135 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:00,840 Where's the key? Have you checked your pockets? 136 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,080 With the key nowhere to be found, 137 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,520 there was only one solution. 138 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,120 Ditch the health and safety and get on with it anyway. 139 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,480 And he's off! 140 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,960 Right, compared with Pinky and Perky 141 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,520 I have the least power, the least torque, 142 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,800 I have the least impressive 0-60 time and top speed, 143 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,200 but I do have the mostest number of gears at eight, 144 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,760 so that's nice and confusing. 145 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,760 What happens here? No idea. 146 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:45,560 You know, one of the reasons why that thing is gonna be very slow 147 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,360 is because of who's driving it. 148 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:48,960 Yeah, it's cause and effect. 149 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,120 Now in bigger Range Rovers the power is split 50-50 150 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,400 between the front and rear wheels. 151 00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:57,920 On this one, it's biased more towards the back 152 00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,920 which is, of course, very sporty. 153 00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:02,280 But it will put some to the front 154 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:04,640 when you're off-road, and you need traction, or... 155 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,680 Oh, God. 156 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,200 When I cock it up. 157 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,080 JEREMY: Do you know what he did last weekend? 158 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:15,520 He took his girlfriend across London to the Victoria and Albert Museum 159 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,760 to look at an exhibition of plywood. 160 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,440 How good was that? 161 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,760 JEREMY: Next up, Richard "Lucky" Hammond. 162 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,760 His wife's already telephoned him this morning, 163 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,080 said if he goes round the corner with any tyre squeal, she's divorcing him. 164 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,480 Three, two, one. Go! 165 00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:38,920 RICHARD: And we're away. 166 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,920 Whoa! 167 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,960 Minding the BMW on arriving at this first turn. 168 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,880 No tyre squeal. 169 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:50,440 This is the only one of the three 170 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:53,600 that has a proper dual-clutch gearbox. 171 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,160 The other two are just old-school slushmatics. 172 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:00,240 So it does change like a race car. 173 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,480 Ooh, did you hear that? 174 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:03,240 - Nice little sporty noise. - JEREMY: Yeah. 175 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,440 There is no doubt this thing can talk the talk. 176 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,880 It's got dry sump, active aero, 177 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:13,240 but it's all wrapped up in the wrong body. 178 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,560 Huge amount of lean, I mean... 179 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:20,840 Scrabbling for grip. 180 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:24,920 Those squeals from the tyres are in protest, not for joy. 181 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:31,640 Hammond breaking his record, completing a lap without a crash. 182 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:35,600 JEREMY: Finally, it was the turn of the Stelvio. 183 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,840 Three, two, one. Go! 184 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,760 Oh, well, that's just a flying start. 185 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,960 And he's hit the BMW. 186 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,880 The twin turbo-charged V6 engine in this thing... 187 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,920 Well, it's a masterpiece, there's no other word. 188 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,000 The body's made from aluminium. 189 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,800 The prop shaft is made from carbon fibre. 190 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,960 This has all the ingredients of a full-on racer. 191 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:15,760 And it is quick. Easily the quickest car here. 192 00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,160 0-60, 3.9 seconds. 193 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,680 Top speed, 177. 194 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,080 In an SUV! 195 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,440 In a straight line, it would leave even the M3 for dead. 196 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:30,760 But this circuit isn't a straight line. 197 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,600 Which causes a few problems. 198 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:36,800 Oh, chief among which is the steering. 199 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,960 It's as fast as the steering you get in the saloon car 200 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:43,120 and it is too quick in a car of this type. 201 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,600 It... (BLEEP) hell! 202 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,720 See what I mean? 203 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:53,720 Tiniest little movement of the wheel and it's darting all over the place. 204 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,960 Couple that to the wobbly long travel suspension 205 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000 and it all gets a bit haywire. 206 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,640 Whoa! 207 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:06,680 - That was rubbish! - What was that? 208 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,640 And across the line. 209 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,920 JEREMY: After that fast but messy lap, 210 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,320 it was time to review the times. 211 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,480 BMW, two minutes 26. 212 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,240 Range Rover, three minutes two. 213 00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:29,240 Porsche, 2.46, you're only 20 seconds slower than the M3. 214 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,120 Alfa Romeo, 2.40. 215 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,920 Six seconds faster than the Porsche Turbo 216 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:39,680 which proves, conclusively, 217 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,280 that the most sporty of three completely un-sporty vehicles 218 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,120 is the Alfa Romeo. 219 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:48,240 - Yes. - Right. 220 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:51,960 Onwards, to the next part of our test. 221 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:56,840 JEREMY: Which was to find out how utilitarian they are. 222 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:01,000 We're gonna do this by seeing which one of us 223 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:05,080 can get the most amount of dogs in the boot of our car. 224 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,000 - (SIGHS) Hammond, you idiot. - What? 225 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,160 What are they? 226 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,400 If you say "dog" in Canada, these are what you get. 227 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,000 - Newfoundlands! - Hammond, they're enormous. 228 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,440 JAMES: They're not dogs, they're cattle. 229 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,240 Yep... 230 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,720 JAMES: Oh, they're having sex behind you. 231 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,360 Oh, there's dog sex. There's actual dog sex going on. 232 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,160 - Dog sex. We don't need to see this. - Maybe we should... 233 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,520 In a brief break from the mating, we got on with the test. 234 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,760 Up you go! Come on! (CLICKS TONGUE) Come on! 235 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:39,560 Up! In the car! Come on, it's a new Range Rover! Come on, dog! 236 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:44,000 Right. Erm, there's... No. No. 237 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:48,240 I've got... Up we go. In we go. 238 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,960 JAMES: The dog has never been in a car and doesn't want to go in one. 239 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,640 Right. Sit. 240 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,440 Getting another dog. 241 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,600 (TOY SQUEAKING) 242 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,320 Dog beer. 243 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,560 Ow. 244 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:11,440 Yes! Stay. 245 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,680 (SIGHS) 246 00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:19,080 Ahem! The Alfa Romeo, not only the sportiest vehicle, 247 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:22,280 but, as you can see, perfectly capable 248 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,560 of handling a brace of dogs. 249 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,040 Oh. 250 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,280 (DOG BARKS) 251 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,440 Yeah, the problem is, you know electric tailgates... 252 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,080 If they sense anything, they'll open. 253 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,360 - Yes, that's what's... - (LAUGHING) 254 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:42,280 - So you can't actually close... - Never gonna stay in, is it? 255 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,400 Oh! Biggest dog here is in. 256 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,440 Yeah, but you try closing, OK, close your boot, then. 257 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,400 Go on, then. 258 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,280 You see, it won't close cos it's electric. 259 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,520 All we've established, then, so far 260 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,960 is that these cars are nowhere near as fast 261 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,320 as an ordinary car around a race track. 262 00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:05,080 That you cannot put a medium-sized dog in them 263 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,080 because of the electric tailgate 264 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:10,680 and you'll damage them cos they've all got painted rear ends 265 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:11,960 and carpeted boot floors. 266 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,920 And that concludes another important test. I'm sorry! 267 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,920 JEREMY: We then went for a short drive 268 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,400 to the location for our third test. 269 00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:29,280 How well our cars worked as vehicles. 270 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,240 Now to do this, we are going to see 271 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,480 whether our cars are better than a horse. 272 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,360 And here comes the horse now. 273 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,440 It's being ridden by someone called Meinie Kampf. 274 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,640 - It's Maddie. - What? 275 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,080 It's Maddie. 276 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,280 Yes, Maddie, Meinie's something completely different. 277 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,240 Do you know, my Range Rover is better than that horse in every single way. 278 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,640 - Ah, but is it? - Yes, it is. 279 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:54,960 - Is it? - Well, yes it is, 280 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,840 because it doesn't jig around a bit when you're trying to get in it. 281 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,200 It doesn't set off on its own at maximum speed. 282 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,600 It doesn't veer off to one side to eat something 283 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,400 or sniff another Range Rover's arse. 284 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:07,600 Yes, good. Thing is, though, we're trying to find out now 285 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,280 whether our cars are faster than this horse in this arena. 286 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,560 (HORN BLARES) 287 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,560 This is barrel racing. 288 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,120 A sport for cowboy girls, 289 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:28,720 the idea is that you ride round three barrels as fast as possible... 290 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,920 ..while wearing Wrangler jeans. 291 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:41,280 Her time was 22.69 seconds. That's what she did it in. 292 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,240 I shall now go and beat it in my Porsche. 293 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:46,840 Well, this is what roads look like where Hammond lives. 294 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,800 All of this is like his garden. 295 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,600 Broken tractor, knackered old caravan... 296 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:53,960 JAMES: Rusty fence... 297 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,920 It's as if we've come to Hammond's house. 298 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:00,040 RICHARD: Soon, I was in position and preparing for the off. 299 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,160 Right, to do this I need Sport Plus... 300 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,120 Firm suspension... 301 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,520 No ride height... 302 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,000 Traction control off... 303 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:14,560 OK, in three, two, one... Go! 304 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,280 And we're off! 305 00:16:16,320 --> 00:16:20,200 Barrel racing, so, I've gotta get round this one first of all, on my right. 306 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,680 I'm already going much faster than the horse. 307 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:26,960 Left now. 308 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:30,840 What? 309 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,400 - He's stuck. - (LAUGHTER) 310 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:38,320 A four-wheel drive overload! 311 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:41,120 What? 312 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:44,400 Oh, it's gone into limp home mode! 313 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,720 JEREMY: This is the most lamentable spectacle! 314 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:51,480 HAMMOND: Can I do it again? 315 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:52,920 No, don't let him do it again. 316 00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,520 JEREMY: No, you can't have another go. 317 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,480 That was your time, and it was 48.7 seconds, 318 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:02,160 which means that car, it's not even half as good as a horse. 319 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:05,400 Next, it was May's turn in the Velar. 320 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,600 Three, two, one, go! 321 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,920 He's not lost. Actually, I really did think he'd be lost. 322 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,280 - Oh, God, he's gonna beat me. - Come on. 323 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,280 HAMMOND: Oh, no! Look, he can't find the fence. 324 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,120 (LAUGHING) What is he... He can't find the fence! 325 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,640 What the hell is this? 326 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,840 Come on. 327 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,520 What's the time? Please tell me he's quicker than you. 328 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,160 40.78. 329 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,000 - Would you like to jump off the back here? - Yes. 330 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,640 JEREMY: Finally, it was my turn, 331 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,960 and I'd had a brilliant idea. 332 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,440 This is what those two didn't realise. 333 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,960 Use the handbrake, fight the turnaround on the up. 334 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,040 In three, two, one, go. 335 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,680 There it is! 336 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,520 Ready for the handbrake? 337 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,360 Here it comes! 338 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:13,600 Oh. 339 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:16,120 He's gone to put the handbrake on, 340 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,120 but it's an electronic handbrake so it just stops dead. 341 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:22,680 The electric handbrake is as useless as the electric tailgate! 342 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,680 Oh, no! 343 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,440 No, I'm in limp home! 344 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:35,120 Service ATV system, everything has failed! 345 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,920 Virtually parked. 346 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,160 This is it flat out. 347 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,040 Foot hard down, barely moving. 348 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,440 That looks utterly feeble. 349 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:47,680 He's still not out. And... He's out. 350 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:48,880 Damn you! 351 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:54,320 - What's the time? - You did it... 352 00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,640 - Yes. - ...in... 353 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,080 Yes. 354 00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,640 ...45.44! 355 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,320 - So James May was the fastest? - Yes. 356 00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:05,680 - And then I was the second fastest? - Yes. 357 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,520 And, with that test completed, 358 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:11,040 it was time for our conclusion. 359 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,240 We've proved that SUVs are no good 360 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,520 at sport or utility stuff. 361 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,200 And that if you want a vehicle, 362 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,160 you're better off with a horse. 363 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,320 And with that, back to the tent. 364 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,080 (CHEERING) 365 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,440 - Hang on. - It was important work. 366 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:35,120 Thing is, we thought that we'd finished at that point, 367 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,000 but Mr Willman had other ideas, 368 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,400 so we're gonna be picking that up later on. 369 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:41,640 Yes, we shall. 370 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:46,520 However, now it's time to step in a dog turd of chat 371 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,800 on Conversation Street. 372 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,680 Ow. Aargh. Ow. 373 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,440 JAMES: Ooh. Ow. Ow. Ooh. 374 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,040 - (APPLAUSE) - It was a good day, that. 375 00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:01,640 Now, I wanna stick, if I may, for a minute or two, on SUVs 376 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:04,680 because 25 percent of all new cars 377 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,800 sold in Britain these days are SUVs. 378 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:08,960 And the thing is, I was working out the other day 379 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,440 why so many people buy them. 380 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:11,800 And I've worked it out. 381 00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:13,760 See, if you were in a hatchback or a saloon 382 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,080 and you see an SUV - which is larger - coming towards you, 383 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,800 you think, "If we have an accident, 384 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,040 "I'm gonna come off worse. 385 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:20,880 "So I'd better have one, too." 386 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,200 They're like nuclear weapons. 387 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,880 Once one person's got one, everyone's gotta have one. 388 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,680 Next thing you know, Kim Jong-Un's got one, and then it's all a disaster. 389 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,080 But the fact remains, everybody has them or not, 390 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,280 they are really silly. 391 00:20:32,320 --> 00:20:34,480 The moment we asked that Alfa and that Porsche 392 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,960 to do a tiny bit of off-roading 393 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,240 in that horse arena, 394 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,800 they just panicked and gave up and went into limp home mode. 395 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,960 I actually think they might have too much electronic stuff on them. 396 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,560 They do. The four-wheel-drive system's all idiotic, 397 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,320 and then the handbrake, that doesn't work, and the tailgate. 398 00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:52,000 I mean, how do you actually load a dog into a car? 399 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:53,640 I dunno. I mean, you can't... 400 00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,840 If you put your hand in to hold the dog back, 401 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,280 then it's gonna detect your arm. 402 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,920 You'd have to go round and hold the dog against the seat. 403 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,320 But then you can't close the boot. 404 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,600 I know. And also, while you're walking round, 405 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,560 the dog's left on its own in a boot with an open tailgate. 406 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,400 What you're doing is asking a dog to stay alone 407 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,240 in a room that's getting smaller. 408 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,880 It's not gonna do it, it's gonna run away. 409 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:16,960 There is no solution to this that I can think of. 410 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,640 There is a way to do it. 411 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,760 You'd have to put your dog in the boot, 412 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,360 shoot it with a tranquiliser dart, 413 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,880 so that it went out for a bit. 414 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,400 Well, yes, James, you could do that 415 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,840 or you could buy a car with a manually closing boot lid. 416 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:32,280 Yeah, which would be cheaper, lighter, faster and easier. 417 00:21:32,320 --> 00:21:36,200 So, that's covered that. Don't buy SUVs, they're stupid. 418 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,240 But we have got more on them later on. 419 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:40,000 I've got a bit of conversation. 420 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:41,680 - Is it about iambic pentameters? - No. 421 00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,400 - Is it about the Embraer 190? - No. 422 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,120 - Is it about plywood? - No. 423 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,160 - What is it about? - It's about vans. 424 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:49,760 - Is it? - Yes. 425 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:51,840 Because I borrowed a transit van the other day 426 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,320 and the amazing thing about it is, 427 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,840 it's got all the equipment you'd expect on a posh car, 428 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,240 including those sensing headlights that dip automatically. 429 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:01,600 So when they see lights coming the other way, they automatically dip, 430 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,800 but they also dip if they see a reflective road sign. 431 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,360 Oh, I know, that's unbelievable, 432 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:07,800 cos it blinds you, cos they've dipped. 433 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:09,360 And now you can't see where you're going, 434 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:12,400 as you approach a sign warning you of a hazard ahead 435 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,360 which you then can't see. No, they are stupid. 436 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,360 Here comes a really dangerous right-hand bend. 437 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,280 - I'll just turn the lights off so you can't see it. - They do do that. 438 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,320 But apart from that, I have to say, 439 00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:22,960 the Ford Transit van long wheel-base, 440 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,320 is absolutely brilliant. 441 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,280 Much better than any SUV and half the price. 442 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,600 And the amazing thing is, you can get absolutely tonnes in the back of it. 443 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:35,880 Well, yeah, James. It's a van. It's kinda what it's for. 444 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,960 The one problem with it was, I found, 445 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,400 is that when you load a van, you have to get out. 446 00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,720 You don't step out, you sort of do a little jump... 447 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:44,720 No, I don't do a little jump. I just... 448 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,880 You do a little jump, but what I didn't think of 449 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,040 was that I had my big parka on, 450 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,400 and as I jumped out, the hood caught on the roof 451 00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,760 and I actually hanged myself pretty much as I... 452 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,280 If you actually had hung yourself, 453 00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,760 we'd have put out a press release 454 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,800 saying that you'd died in an autoerotic accident. 455 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:01,160 - Yeah, we would. - Thank you. 456 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:03,560 - Did you have an orange in your mouth? - No, I didn't. 457 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,880 You would have done in our version of events. 458 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,560 You'd have been wearing a fur-lined anorak and nothing else. 459 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,920 When you were found by police. 460 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,440 Bet you wish you hadn't started that conversation now. 461 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,720 Now, we get quite a few letters asking us 462 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,640 why we never review anything made by Tesla. 463 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:22,280 Mm, very simple, actually. 464 00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:26,400 Many years ago, I gave a firm but fair review 465 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,800 to the Roadster - picture of that one there. 466 00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,120 - Yep, and Tesla sued. - Yes, they did. 467 00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:34,160 And they lost. And then they appealed and they lost that. 468 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:37,840 Which is all fine, but being sued is a massive pain in the arse. 469 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,800 It keeps you awake at night, really stressy. 470 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,840 So I thought I will never, ever review another Tesla as long as I live, 471 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,400 I shall simply ignore them. 472 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:50,080 However, Tesla is on the brink of becoming a mainstream manufacturer. 473 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,000 They reckon that by the end of this year, 474 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,400 they'll be bigger than Volvo. 475 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,280 Mm. So I couldn't really ignore them any more. 476 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,640 Which is why I decided to test the new Model X, OK? 477 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:04,480 Because I thought this might actually be an SUV we all like. 478 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:10,560 JEREMY: With its bobby-dazzler back doors, 479 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,280 this doesn't look like a normal family SUV, 480 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:15,960 it looks better. 481 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:21,200 Especially on the inside. 482 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:23,840 And it's more practical, too. 483 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:29,080 Because you have seating for seven, 484 00:24:29,120 --> 00:24:33,160 a boot at the back that's big enough for an owl sanctuary, 485 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,800 and then another boot at the front, 486 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:40,280 because, of course, it's electric so there's no engine. 487 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:45,320 Most of all, though, I'm intrigued by this car 488 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:48,680 because it represents a whole new way of thinking about... 489 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:51,920 What a car actually is. 490 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:58,800 Take this enormous command and control screen as an example. 491 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,240 It does all the usual stuff: 492 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,400 navigation, music, connectivity and so on, 493 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:04,560 and so much more besides. 494 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,680 For example, if I want, I can turn it into a sketchpad. 495 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,360 Then I can just draw pretty patterns 496 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,840 and so on as I go along. 497 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,040 Or, if I'm bored with being in - where am I here? - 498 00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:19,960 there you are, Swindon, which I am, 499 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,440 I can change it so that I become... 500 00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:27,960 On Mars! Look at that, I'm actually on Mars. 501 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:30,280 I mean, I'm not there, obviously, 502 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,600 but it says I am and that's fun! 503 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,360 Ooh, and this is a good one. 504 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:38,440 If you don't want to see the car you're driving depicted on the screen, 505 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,480 you can change it so that it becomes... 506 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,480 (LAUGHING) Bond's Lotus. 507 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,480 That is actually quite funny. 508 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,200 Of course, you may think all of this 509 00:25:53,240 --> 00:25:57,920 might be a bit of a distraction when you're driving. 510 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,200 Ah, well, now, you see, that's the thing. 511 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,160 Because if I pull this lever here twice... 512 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:04,320 (BEEPS) 513 00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,320 I get a bong to tell me I've engaged the autopilot, 514 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,600 which means I'm not driving. 515 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,800 It is. 516 00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,720 Seriously, it's doing it all by itself. 517 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:20,800 Legally, cars aren't allowed to drive around by themselves 518 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:22,280 but this is getting awfully close 519 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,600 because it's reading the white lines in the road 520 00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:26,920 and then simply sticking between them. 521 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,320 Then if I want to change lanes, 522 00:26:29,360 --> 00:26:32,320 I don't have to bother with any of that mirror, signal, manoeuvre nonsense, 523 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,400 you just put the indicator on... 524 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,200 And if it's safe to pull out, it does. 525 00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:42,280 Put the indicator on to pull back into the central lane and... 526 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:47,680 (LAUGHING) That's just astonishing! 527 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,280 All of this means that I can drive along 528 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,120 writing important messages on my sketchpad. 529 00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:59,280 Because I know that if the car in front slows down, I'll slow down. 530 00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:00,800 If it speeds up, I'll speed up. 531 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:02,560 If the traffic stops, I'll stop. 532 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,600 Honestly, this is... 533 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,560 the most relaxing thing I've ever driven. 534 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,840 Cos all I have to do is sit here. 535 00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:15,240 Unless, of course, I can't be bothered to do even that. 536 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:19,480 OK, the car is over there 537 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,200 and I literally can't be arsed to walk to it. 538 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,720 So, take out my phone, put it in summon mode, 539 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:28,560 connecting to vehicle and... 540 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:29,840 Here we go. 541 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:32,080 (BEEPING) 542 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,520 Look at that! 543 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,320 I mean, it can't extricate itself from a parking space 544 00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,880 or come to you from the other side of town, 545 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:50,520 so it is only a gimmick. 546 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:52,520 But what's wrong with a gimmick? 547 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:53,720 That's brilliant! 548 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,960 And... Stop! 549 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,680 (BEEPS) 550 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,960 But what's it like if you do actually drive it? 551 00:28:11,040 --> 00:28:15,760 Well, because it's electric, it's quiet, obviously. 552 00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,920 Eerily quiet. 553 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:22,560 Stupidly quiet. Too quiet, as they say in the movies. 554 00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:29,200 It's also heavy because of its massive battery pack. 555 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:32,760 However, because it's mounted under the floor, 556 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,280 the centre of gravity is very low down. 557 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,880 And because you've got one electric motor at the front running the front wheels 558 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:42,880 and one at the back driving the back wheels... 559 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,120 ..the car feels nimble and agile. 560 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:53,640 Feels good. 561 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,600 So, you're thinking it's a fun-filled family car 562 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:04,200 with show-off doors and lots of stuff to excite your inner child, 563 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,760 but that there's nothing here for the enthusiastic motorist. 564 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,000 Hm... 565 00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:11,920 Not so fast on that one... 566 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,680 Because what I'm gonna do now 567 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:18,120 is drag race this family SUV 568 00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:22,360 against a mid-engine, V10-powered 569 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:26,440 600 horsepower Audi R8. 570 00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,240 Right, before I do this 571 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,280 I'm going to engage what's called "Ludicrous Mode". 572 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:37,320 There we are. Hold on, I've got a choice. 573 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,040 "Do you wanna do this?" "No, I want my Mommy." 574 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:42,520 "Yes, bring it on!" There we are. 575 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:46,720 And then, because I have the mental age of a nine-year-old, 576 00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,440 I'm going to use the warp speed graphic. 577 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:51,880 And there it is! 578 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,600 Right, good. I'm ready. 579 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,440 Sweet Jesus! 580 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,760 That really is properly ludicrous! 581 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,040 A hundred miles an hour! 582 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,200 105, 110... 583 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,920 112, the Audi's coming! 584 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:33,760 But not fast enough! 585 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:42,920 That is astonishing! 586 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,640 Small wonder this thing is fitted 587 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:49,840 with my favourite mode of them all - celebration mode. 588 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,680 There we are. All I have to do now is put it in park, 589 00:30:52,720 --> 00:30:54,080 get out and lock the doors. 590 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,160 Watch this. 591 00:30:57,200 --> 00:31:00,440 ♪ MOZART: Marriage Of Figaro Overture ♪ 592 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:27,080 So, this may be a two-and-a-half tonne, 593 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,920 seven-seater PlayStation, 594 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,240 but it'll do 0-60 in 3.1 seconds 595 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:39,000 and has a top speed of 155. 596 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:44,040 So it really does seem to be all things to all men. 597 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:47,640 It's serious and light-hearted. 598 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:49,880 It's sensible and daft. 599 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,160 It doesn't feel like anything else. 600 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,960 It doesn't go like anything else. 601 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:57,240 It's fabulous. 602 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:04,400 There are, however, some drawbacks. 603 00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,280 But before talking about those, 604 00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,240 Mr Willman said I should fill the remaining six seats 605 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,800 with a team of lawyers. 606 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,520 First thing I wanna talk about is range, 607 00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:21,720 because Tesla say this will do 351 miles between charges. 608 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:27,000 But, in my experience, electric cars never do the range... 609 00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:29,760 How extensive is your experience, Jeremy? 610 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,240 How many electric cars have you driven? 611 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,120 - Two. - Ah. 612 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,480 Both of them failed to do the range 613 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,120 that the manufacturer said they would do. 614 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,880 Cos it depends on temperature, 615 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:40,680 it depends on a million things, and anyway... 616 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:44,520 As you've said, legally we need to make very clear, it depends. 617 00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:46,160 It depends on the conditions. 618 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:49,320 Most people are not driving like a maniac like you. 619 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,520 I'm not. I'm doing 34 miles an hour. 620 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:53,320 At the moment. 621 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,480 So that we're clear, we completely accept 622 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:59,840 that this car can do 351 miles between charges, don't we? 623 00:32:59,880 --> 00:33:01,600 I don't know, I haven't tried it. 624 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,800 I think we should accept that if that's what Tesla says 625 00:33:03,840 --> 00:33:05,760 and we don't have any evidence to the contrary. 626 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,720 What, you just take what a car manufacturer says as being gospel? 627 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,640 Vauxhall says its cars are exciting. 628 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:13,280 I wouldn't wish to contradict them on television 629 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:15,400 unless we had strong evidence to the contrary. 630 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:17,440 Suggesting a claim by the manufacturer is untrue 631 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,520 is not where we're going to go today, is it? 632 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:21,720 All right, then. Batteries. 633 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,680 We on this show have some experience 634 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,840 of electrical fires in a crash. 635 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:31,400 And this has the same sort of batteries that the Rimac had. 636 00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,160 Yeah, that was in a crash, wasn't it? 637 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,640 Drove off an edge and rolled down two hillsides. 638 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,200 You're saying Richard Hammond was too small to see over the steering wheel? 639 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:40,760 I'm not saying anything, 640 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:42,320 I'm just saying that that was a crash. 641 00:33:42,360 --> 00:33:44,040 What people don't understand 642 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,440 is that if you crash an electrical car, 643 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,640 and it has lithium-ion batteries, it could catch fire. 644 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:51,640 And often, the fire brigade will turn up 645 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:52,960 and they've only got water on board, 646 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,200 so as you're sitting there, on fire, 647 00:33:55,240 --> 00:33:57,080 you're then being electrocuted. 648 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,640 It's just something that's worth bearing in mind, isn't it? 649 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:01,360 I think we should make it clear 650 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:03,240 that we're not suggesting that these cars 651 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:04,680 have any inherent defect. 652 00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:07,320 I mean, look what happened with Samsung with their batteries. 653 00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,480 We're not gonna start defaming Samsung, are we? 654 00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,400 I think the battery is a good analogy 655 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,640 for libel law and reviews generally, 656 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,880 in that it has to be balanced. 657 00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,920 You must have the positive and you must have the negative. 658 00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:21,840 Shall we bear that in mind? 659 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:24,760 What we should bear in mind is that - what I've just written on the screen. 660 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,840 I know an area we need to discuss. 661 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:33,080 I think the biggest drawback with this car, actually, is the width of it. 662 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:35,120 It's so wide, 79 inches, 663 00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:38,440 that it won't actually go across Albert Bridge in London. 664 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,040 It really won't go across the bridge 665 00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:43,120 or do you mean it won't go through a width restriction, a road narrowing? 666 00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:44,880 Right, so I have to say 667 00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:48,840 this is too wide to fit through 668 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:52,480 the width restriction at the start, 669 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:54,760 and indeed finish, of Albert Bridge? 670 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:56,040 That's perfect. 671 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,120 There is, however, one advantage to this size. 672 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:04,520 Especially in a supermarket car park 673 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,040 when your Model X is full of lawyers. 674 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:08,960 - It can be interpreted... - No, no. Listen. 675 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:11,880 Mean what you say, say what you mean, that's the law. 676 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,960 Just stay there, all right? Stay there. 677 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:15,360 (BEEPING) 678 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:19,920 OK. Got the phone. Summon mode, forwards. 679 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,800 (BEEPING) 680 00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:29,840 I'm sorry, that never ceases to amaze me. 681 00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:32,840 Little bit more, little bit more... 682 00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,760 And... Stop! 683 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,240 Right, now they can't open the doors - 684 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:39,680 they're trapped - 685 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:41,480 which means they can't interfere 686 00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:44,960 when I tell you this car's really big drawback. 687 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,280 It's £156,000. 688 00:35:51,160 --> 00:35:52,760 (APPLAUSE) 689 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,760 JEREMY: There is... a lot to like on that. 690 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,400 - Yeah. - There's a lot to like. 691 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,960 Thing is, though, 692 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,080 is that an SUV that we all like? 693 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,400 No. Not at that price. 694 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:07,960 No, 156 is silly. 695 00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,400 I do love some of the gimmicks. 696 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:13,640 Yeah, now, on that, I have to say, you know the summon facility it's got on it? 697 00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,760 That didn't always work. 698 00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:17,600 And then there was the business on the motorway 699 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,000 where it checks for traffic coming behind before moving lanes. 700 00:36:20,040 --> 00:36:21,440 How'd you find that? 701 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:23,840 Well, I can't say. 702 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,160 So I got a lawyer to write this for me. 703 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,000 - (LAUGHTER) - Really? 704 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,440 It's my honest belief that a driverless system 705 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,480 does not always behave as you'd expect 706 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,000 and when it doesn't, it can be discomforting. 707 00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,160 Discomforting? 708 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,840 However, I acknowledge and accept 709 00:36:40,880 --> 00:36:43,880 that a number of external factors can reasonably result 710 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,840 in a driverless car's decision to deactivate self-driving, 711 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:48,920 including, but not limited to, 712 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:52,280 other cars on the road unexpectedly accelerating. 713 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:53,680 - So... - No. 714 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:55,640 - What? - No, just... 715 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:57,560 For the avoidance of any doubt, 716 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,400 these personal observations about driverless cars 717 00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:01,640 are my honest opinion 718 00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:03,400 and should not be regarded as any statement 719 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,760 about the general safety, roadworthiness or mechanical effectiveness 720 00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:09,640 of this specific car or any other Tesla vehicle. 721 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:13,520 It is bloody fast, though, isn't it? 722 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:14,800 - It really was! - Really fast! 723 00:37:14,840 --> 00:37:16,520 We actually put it round the Eboladrome. 724 00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:20,080 It did a 1.29.06, which is the same as a five-litre Mustang. 725 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:21,880 - It's quick, isn't it? - It is quick. 726 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,480 But anyway, we must park the Tesla now 727 00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,000 and move on to Celebrity Face Off! 728 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,040 (CHEERING) 729 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:43,400 Another important question, and it's this. 730 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,600 Who is the world's fastest golfing enthusiast? 731 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:50,360 Well, to find out, would you please welcome 732 00:37:50,400 --> 00:37:53,120 Rory McIlroy and Paris Hilton! 733 00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:55,920 (CHEERING AND WHISTLING) 734 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:57,960 JEREMY: Look at this! 735 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,960 That is a surprise! 736 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,600 Hello, chap, how are you? Have a seat. 737 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,480 Paris, lovely to see you, how are you? 738 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,720 - Great. - Have a seat! 739 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,240 We're not messing around. 740 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,560 We are not messing around this week. 741 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:17,960 Now, you are both golf enthusiasts. 742 00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:21,560 You obviously are, cos you're heavyweight golfing champion of the world. 743 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,640 - Sorta need to be, yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 744 00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,520 You, more of a surprise, but your family, of course, 745 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,040 does own 50 golf tracks, doesn't it? 746 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:29,440 Yes. 747 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,080 Or was it courses? Courses, that's what it is. 748 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,080 Fifty golf... So you play quite a bit of golf. 749 00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:37,320 I'm not as good a golfer as him, obviously. 750 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:38,920 As him? No, that figures. 751 00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:42,920 But I have been playing since I was around four years old. 752 00:38:42,960 --> 00:38:46,240 The one area of golf I really genuinely love are the golf carts. 753 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,920 Me too. 754 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,840 I don't think I've ever got out of a fully functioning golf cart. 755 00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:53,120 In my life, ever. 756 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,680 Cos I've always crashed them. 757 00:38:54,720 --> 00:38:56,160 I don't know what it is that makes you think: 758 00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:57,720 "Right, I'm going to go a million." 759 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:00,520 You would like my golf cart because I've got the restrictor taken off it 760 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:02,160 so it goes about 50 miles an hour. 761 00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:03,680 - You're kidding. - No, it does. 762 00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:06,360 - That's sick. - How much damage could I do with that? 763 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:07,960 - You could do a lot. - (LAUGHTER) 764 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,200 I love the golf carts. 765 00:39:09,240 --> 00:39:10,680 Actually, when I was a little girl, 766 00:39:10,720 --> 00:39:12,280 my grandfather has 767 00:39:12,320 --> 00:39:14,760 a Rolls Royce golf cart and a Bentley one. 768 00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,600 So my sister and I decided that we wanted to race them. 769 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,920 So we're going around the pond on the golf course 770 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,960 and going so fast, 771 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:26,080 I smashed the Rolls into this huge rock. 772 00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:29,200 The entire thing was smashed, it was totalled. 773 00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,040 We were so scared, we just ran away. 774 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,960 And then later my grandpa's like, 775 00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:35,240 "Where's the Rolls? I wanna go golfing right now." 776 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,880 Stolen. Stolen is the answer. That's what I always say. 777 00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,680 Someone went and had a joyride in it. 778 00:39:41,720 --> 00:39:44,480 I know one thing I wanted to talk about is golfing slang. 779 00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:46,280 - OK. - Cos apparently 780 00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,760 there's quite a bit of, well, it's quite rude. 781 00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:50,080 Are you familiar with this? 782 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,240 There's a Richard Hammond, I know that. 783 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:53,640 There's a Richard Hammond, which means 784 00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:55,160 straight down the middle like a rocket, 785 00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:57,560 then veers off into the rough at the last minute. 786 00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,080 (LAUGHTER) 787 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:00,600 (APPLAUSE) 788 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:08,800 Jamie Oliver, you really wanna smack it but you can't. 789 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,600 (LAUGHTER) 790 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,520 I actually like Jamie Oliver, make that quite plain. 791 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,080 This is not me, this is just golfing people. 792 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:18,360 Ryanair. OK in the air but landed miles from where you wanted it to be. 793 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,680 (LAUGHTER) 794 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:21,400 Right, shall we get on to cars? 795 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:23,440 Cos this is another thing you two have in common. 796 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:27,240 Genuinely an astonishing collection of cars that you both have. 797 00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:30,200 You started, at the age of 17, with a BMW. 798 00:40:30,240 --> 00:40:32,160 Yeah, I had a 1 Series was my first car. 799 00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:34,240 - Did that go well? - Not very well, no. 800 00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,600 I thought I was cool having a BMW at that age, 801 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,880 just passed my test. 802 00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,760 Tried to do some handbrake turns in the golf club car park 803 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,120 and that didn't go so well. 804 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:46,960 Nearly actually drove it through the front door of the golf club. 805 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,320 Hit a big, high kerb, bent the steering axle 806 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,080 and I literally had to drive it like this 807 00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,240 to keep it straight for the five miles I went home. 808 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,760 And I got back to my parents 809 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,600 and I said I had to swerve to miss a fox and hit a kerb. 810 00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:02,360 But, any girls watching, they will have been impressed. 811 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:03,680 We've argued this many times. 812 00:41:03,720 --> 00:41:05,720 When a girl sees a guy do a handbrake turn, 813 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:07,440 it's like when a peacock does that feather thing. 814 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:08,600 (LAUGHTER) 815 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:10,120 You say you're not interested, 816 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:11,480 but you are, aren't you? 817 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,600 - I think it's pretty hot. - There you go. 818 00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:16,800 First honest girl I've ever met. 819 00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:21,040 So that was your 1 Series, and then you moved up quickly, age 19, I think? 820 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,560 I won my first professional golf tournament at 19 821 00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,920 and I always thought the image of success was a Ferrari, 822 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,000 so I bought a Ferrari at 19. 823 00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,400 How the hell did you insure it? 824 00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:36,880 The premium was quite high. 825 00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:39,520 - Make it live for us. - 25 grand a year. 826 00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,800 (AUDIENCE GASPS) 827 00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,640 You need to win a lot of golf. 828 00:41:43,680 --> 00:41:45,800 Yeah, you do, yeah, yeah. 829 00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:47,760 And did that kindle a love of Ferraris? 830 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,160 It did, yeah. And I always knew that you've loved Ferraris 831 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,920 and the reason that I have the cars that I have at the minute, 832 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:56,240 I saw you test drive the F12 that I have. 833 00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,680 Oh, the F12? That's a scary car. 834 00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:00,160 - Yeah. - You've got an F12 now? 835 00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:02,160 That's a really, that's almost too fast. 836 00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:03,720 And didn't you get a LaFerrari? 837 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:04,920 I've got a LaFerrari, yeah. 838 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,920 No, cos why did you go for a LaFerrari and not a P1, 839 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,160 which I proved on this show was better? 840 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,400 I would have killed myself in a P1, I think. 841 00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:14,360 The P1 is nuts, but they are brilliant. 842 00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,400 - I mean, the LaFerrari is also... - It's incredible. 843 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,240 I haven't taken the LaFerrari on a track 844 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,280 like what we obviously did today, 845 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:23,080 and I don't know if I'd want to. 846 00:42:23,120 --> 00:42:25,360 I'd be so scared of flipping it or rolling it. 847 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,200 That's where it belongs, on a track. 848 00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:30,680 - I know, I just... I'm scared. - (LAUGHTER) 849 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:32,400 That's an impressive car collection. 850 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:34,080 Well, not really a collection, 851 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:35,840 but two really super-fast Ferraris. 852 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,080 But yours is not far behind, cos you've got a McLaren. 853 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:39,840 Yes. 854 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:42,480 - 650, yeah? - I love it. 855 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:44,160 I think it's just such a sexy car. 856 00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:47,040 It is. And then, and I really hate to say this, 857 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,520 my favourite car in the whole wide world, you also own. 858 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:53,120 Which is slightly murderous, actually, is the word I'm looking for. 859 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,800 You've got a Lexus LFA. 860 00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,200 I actually got the second one they ever made. 861 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,600 - Really? - So I was so excited. 862 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:00,760 And just driving on the street, 863 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,400 no one had ever seen it before 864 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,400 so they looked at it like a UFO or something. 865 00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:05,560 That is definitely a head-turner. 866 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,360 Didn't you drive a Bentley every day? 867 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:10,520 Yes, I actually had a Bentley custom-made 868 00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:14,000 so it's all baby pink with crystals on it. 869 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,360 - Oh, wow, that's... - There you go. 870 00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,880 It's very pink. I used to drive it all the time, 871 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:21,280 but when I drive it, it's literally like Mickey Mouse at Disneyland. 872 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,120 People are pulling over on the freeway. 873 00:43:23,160 --> 00:43:25,600 - I wonder why. - Taking selfies. 874 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:27,360 It causes, like, accidents almost, 875 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,840 so I try to keep it at home now. 876 00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:32,760 Anyway, listen. You obviously came to do your laps. 877 00:43:32,800 --> 00:43:35,720 There's no snow this week, which is good, but it's still quite greasy. 878 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,560 - It was icy. - Yeah, it was a little greasy. 879 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,800 Icy and greasy, so we're not gonna be looking for a record time today. 880 00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,600 And you were seriously pushing it, by all accounts. 881 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,960 I was. I love driving fast. 882 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:50,960 And I love when there's no cops around to pull me over, so it's... 883 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:56,880 Exactly. Well, anybody wanna see an outtake of Paris trying really hard? 884 00:43:56,920 --> 00:43:59,280 Let's have a look. This is the last corner, 885 00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,120 which you've gotta slow down for. 886 00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:03,680 Which we obviously never told the poor girl, here we go. 887 00:44:03,720 --> 00:44:05,520 Shit! 888 00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,600 That's a properly big one, and well done. 889 00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,000 - (APPLAUSE) - Thanks. 890 00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:18,120 You did have a problem, apparently, with that last corner? 891 00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:20,520 Because I just wanted to go so fast at the end 892 00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:22,840 and then just making that right... 893 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,400 You've gotta slow right down to get round. 894 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:26,920 I thought I was gonna flip over, 895 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:28,520 I was actually really scared at that point. 896 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,480 Would anybody like to see Paris's actual lap? 897 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,080 AUDIENCE: Yes! 898 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:34,760 Let's play the tape! 899 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,640 JEREMY: Yep, that's an aggressive start. 900 00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,040 Let's go! 901 00:44:42,080 --> 00:44:44,240 OK, the first S. 902 00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,160 Ooh, beautifully done, keeping it very tidy. 903 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:49,600 I like to brake there. 904 00:44:49,640 --> 00:44:53,720 Was that left foot braking? Probably not. That's panic braking. 905 00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:55,480 Ooh, I say, that's the tail out, there. 906 00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,080 On to the difficult bit. 907 00:44:58,120 --> 00:44:59,520 And how are we gonna handle this? 908 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:04,080 First right, wide, but nicely held. 909 00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,600 And completely off the track. 910 00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:08,640 But that's OK, back on it again now. 911 00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,480 (BLEEP) rocks! 912 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:11,720 The what-ing rocks? 913 00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:15,680 Ooh, that's some family-friendly words there. 914 00:45:15,720 --> 00:45:18,680 Through the gravel cell, still looking tidy, 915 00:45:18,720 --> 00:45:21,520 not necessarily the wrong thing to do, keeping it tidy. 916 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:22,880 Ooh, that's wild. 917 00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:25,240 And now trying to get in shape, 918 00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,160 ready to go back on the tarmac. 919 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:28,440 I bet this was slippery, too. 920 00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:29,880 Ooh, no, you've done that beautifully. 921 00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:31,800 And then... 922 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,080 Right, now, round the final left 923 00:45:34,120 --> 00:45:36,520 and on to the straight flat out. 924 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:39,240 Let's do it! 925 00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:41,720 Now, this isn't your tricky bit. This is now. 926 00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:43,200 You've gotta start braking... 927 00:45:43,240 --> 00:45:44,880 Now. 928 00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,360 And do you? 929 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:51,760 Oh, yeah. That's heavy, that was probably too much braking, 930 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,880 but there we are, anyway, you've made it across the line. 931 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:55,360 Nicely done. 932 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:56,480 (APPLAUSE) 933 00:45:56,520 --> 00:45:58,400 Good. 934 00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,640 Looks good. 935 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:03,360 So what do you reckon, then, now you've seen that? 936 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,000 Are you feeling nervous? 937 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:06,320 - Yeah. - (LAUGHTER) 938 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:07,920 Anyone wanna see Rory's lap? 939 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:09,360 - PARIS: Yeah! - AUDIENCE: Yes! 940 00:46:09,400 --> 00:46:11,280 Let's see if you chose the wrong sport. 941 00:46:11,320 --> 00:46:12,600 Here we go. 942 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,200 Right, and we are underway. 943 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:20,960 Third, fourth.. Brake at the 50 board. 944 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,240 JEREMY: This is a man who's been listening to the instructors, haven't you? 945 00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,440 You can tell, that's nicely done. 946 00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:29,760 Listening to the instructors is always the key, really. 947 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:31,920 Most men think, "I can go better than they do. 948 00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,520 I know more than they do." 949 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:36,600 Right and... Holding it on. 950 00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,480 Yeah, are we gonna take the Paris line? 951 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:40,240 No, we're gonna stick on the actual track. 952 00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:43,200 Ah, little bit. Don't let it get too sideways, Rory! 953 00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:47,640 Yep, that's beautifully held through there. 954 00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:51,560 Smooth power application, yep. 955 00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:54,560 More of it. Should have done this, you're in the wrong sport. 956 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,080 Ah, I dunno. 957 00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:57,560 No, this is looking very good indeed. 958 00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,480 Are we gonna be able to control it here? 959 00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,000 Very nice in, keeping it to the right. 960 00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:04,080 Which puts you in the right place for that left. 961 00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:06,800 You've managed to keep two tyres on the track, so that's all right. 962 00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:08,240 And off we go. 963 00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:10,280 OK, come on, lift a little, turn in! 964 00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:13,640 Probably not flat through there today. 965 00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,240 It's too slippery, too icy. 966 00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:17,000 RORY: Here's the corner we were having trouble with. 967 00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,400 JEREMY: This is the tricky one, the last corner. 968 00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:22,480 Ooh, bit of understeer but just keeping it... 969 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:23,880 Oh, no! 970 00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,440 Just about made it across the line! 971 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:27,960 (APPLAUSE) 972 00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,240 Oh, yeah. 973 00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:33,160 So there we are. 974 00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,520 Right, so just so you know, 975 00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:39,280 I've got some times we've had. 976 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:42,440 Fastest so far 1:17, Kevin Pietersen. 977 00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,600 Slowest, Dynamo, last week, 1.39.3. 978 00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:48,000 But the track was two feet deep in snow 979 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:49,640 so he has got an excuse. 980 00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,080 - Oh, my goodness. - He does. 981 00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:52,920 Got your times here. 982 00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:54,920 Paris Hilton... 983 00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,600 1.25.8. 984 00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,640 So that puts you - have a round of applause for that. 985 00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:03,960 (APPLAUSE) 986 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,040 You're faster than two people you've never heard of: 987 00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:11,280 Alfie Boe and Bill Bailey are both, well, round about that sort of time, OK? 988 00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:15,720 1.25.8, that's the time you've gotta beat on a greasy track, Rory. 989 00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:19,600 One... 990 00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,960 21... 991 00:48:22,000 --> 00:48:23,720 - Ooh. - ...point 9. 992 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,520 That is a very good time. 993 00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:26,680 (APPLAUSE) 994 00:48:26,720 --> 00:48:28,400 Very good time. 995 00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:32,160 Faster than Hugh Bonneville. 996 00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:35,360 - There you go. - Faster than Hugh Bonneville, and he was on a dry track. 997 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:37,320 So that was extremely good. 998 00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,080 - I can't thank you enough for coming, I really can't. - Thank you for having us. 999 00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:42,000 Pleasure to have you here. Ladies and gentlemen, 1000 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:46,480 Paris Hilton, and the world's fastest golfing enthusiast, Rory McIlroy! 1001 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:48,520 (CHEERING) 1002 00:48:51,560 --> 00:48:54,320 Now. Now. 1003 00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:57,080 Earlier on, we were in Canada, 1004 00:48:57,120 --> 00:48:59,480 where we proved that medium-sized SUVs 1005 00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:01,760 are useless at everything. 1006 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,400 But Mr Willman said the tests we'd done were idiotic. 1007 00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,240 Yeah, he said people actually buy them to go canoeing 1008 00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,400 and hiking and mountain biking, 1009 00:49:11,440 --> 00:49:14,440 and he then also said that we could only come home 1010 00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,360 once we'd completed one more challenge. 1011 00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,200 JAMES: Why are we towing speedboats? 1012 00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:36,480 Never mind that, James. 1013 00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:39,320 Why have you bought a brown speedboat? 1014 00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:41,400 Er, it's orange. 1015 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:43,240 Never mind James's brown speed boat, 1016 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,400 where's your Alfa Romeo? 1017 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:47,880 It was stolen. 1018 00:49:47,920 --> 00:49:49,640 - No, it wasn't. - It was! 1019 00:49:49,680 --> 00:49:52,920 I came out of the hotel this morning, it was just gone. Literally gone. 1020 00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:56,360 You know Canada is number one in the world for car theft? 1021 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,680 No, it isn't. 1022 00:49:57,720 --> 00:49:59,800 So what I've done is I've replaced it 1023 00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:02,880 with this Ford F150 pickup truck, 1024 00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,760 which is the best-selling vehicle, not just in Canada, 1025 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,040 but the entire world. 1026 00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:11,760 Yeah, but the fact is you've replaced your Alfa 1027 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,240 because we were told to tow speedboats 1028 00:50:14,280 --> 00:50:16,800 and you can't fit a towbar to a Stelvio. 1029 00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:21,320 The problem is that they've routed the exhaust 1030 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:22,680 on the Stelvio in such a way 1031 00:50:22,720 --> 00:50:25,160 that you can't, actually, as Hammond says, fit a towbar. 1032 00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:27,480 I think the thing is, 1033 00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:31,480 that in Italy it's unmanly and undignified to tow something. 1034 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,080 I mean, why would they tow something? 1035 00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:35,280 It just slows you down. 1036 00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,240 Soon, we arrived at the start point 1037 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,360 for Mr Willman's challenge. 1038 00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,920 Which was precisely in the middle of nowhere. 1039 00:50:48,400 --> 00:50:50,320 - JEREMY: James... - What? 1040 00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:51,720 This is a skip. 1041 00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:53,640 No, it's just all stuff that was thrown in. 1042 00:50:53,680 --> 00:50:55,760 Literally thrown in, yeah. 1043 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,560 - It's all boat stuff. - Is it? There's a traffic cone. 1044 00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:00,600 Well, that's probably something to do with boating. 1045 00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,080 It isn't anything to do with boating! 1046 00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:03,960 This is an oar and a boat suit and... 1047 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,080 - What are you doing? - Looking for bears. 1048 00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,440 Why? 1049 00:51:07,480 --> 00:51:10,360 Because one of the things I don't wanna be is eaten by a bear. 1050 00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:12,640 I wouldn't worry about being eaten by one. 1051 00:51:12,680 --> 00:51:14,000 Well, I do. 1052 00:51:14,040 --> 00:51:15,480 Well, they do far worse than that. 1053 00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:18,240 - (MESSAGE ALERT) - Hang on, hang on, we have a message, 1054 00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,120 and it's from Mr Willman. 1055 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,920 "Each of your cars has been fitted with a satellite compass 1056 00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:25,880 which will direct you to the finish line. 1057 00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:30,040 Whoever arrives first can claim to have the best SUV." 1058 00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:31,320 Well, that's me. 1059 00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:33,360 Well, apart from you haven't got an SUV. 1060 00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:35,080 It's got a twin turbo-charged V6 - 1061 00:51:35,120 --> 00:51:36,400 same as the Alfa. 1062 00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,120 Four-wheel drive, same as the Alfa. 1063 00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:40,520 It's exactly the same colour. 1064 00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:43,600 JEREMY: With all that cleared up... the race began. 1065 00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:45,960 - Ah! - (ENGINE STARTS) 1066 00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,680 Right, where are we now? There. 1067 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:51,680 My compass thing says I've gotta go in that direction 1068 00:51:51,720 --> 00:51:53,800 for 5.1 kilometres. 1069 00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:56,960 How hard can that be? 1070 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:04,760 Come on, little Porsche, this is your chance to show your off-road credentials. 1071 00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:07,800 The Porsche is the only one with a proper four-wheel drive system for this. 1072 00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:10,200 It can divert all of its power to the front wheels 1073 00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:12,720 so it can scrabble its way out of trouble like a dog, 1074 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,440 pulling itself with its front legs. 1075 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:20,720 Right. Typical of those two, just roar off being brilliant. 1076 00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:23,040 Let's have a look at the map first. 1077 00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:28,360 Might just go straight up here. 1078 00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:30,440 Through these nettles. 1079 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,840 What are they, Christmas trees? I don't know what they are. 1080 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:39,800 If you really want to go off-road, 1081 00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:41,600 you need a real off-roader. 1082 00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:45,680 A Range Rover, a Land Cruiser, a Raptor. 1083 00:52:45,720 --> 00:52:47,960 There's no point messing around with a little SUV. 1084 00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,240 It's not gonna go anywhere. 1085 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:51,640 Speaking of which... 1086 00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,800 RICHARD: Oh, I'm stuck. 1087 00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,000 I'm going backwards now. 1088 00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:09,200 So I'm going west-northwest. That's high terrain... 1089 00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:11,720 That's very high, I want to avoid that. I should try to... 1090 00:53:14,840 --> 00:53:16,440 Come on, come on. 1091 00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:25,000 Four-wheel drive overload, rear-wheel drive only. 1092 00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:26,680 Reduce engine load. 1093 00:53:26,720 --> 00:53:28,360 It doesn't work! 1094 00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:30,600 I need another route. 1095 00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:34,320 RICHARD: James, meanwhile, had sorted out his route 1096 00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,800 and was now sorting out his car. 1097 00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:40,640 I'm putting my response system in grass, gravel and snow. 1098 00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:42,160 It has just started snowing. 1099 00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:43,480 - I also have... - (HORN BEEPS) 1100 00:53:43,520 --> 00:53:45,520 Who the hell is that? 1101 00:53:45,560 --> 00:53:47,520 It's Hammond, look, he's got exactly nowhere. 1102 00:53:47,560 --> 00:53:48,800 (HORN BEEPS) 1103 00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:50,240 What a spanner. 1104 00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,880 Anyway. 1105 00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:55,880 JEREMY: With both my colleagues still on the start line, 1106 00:53:55,920 --> 00:53:58,320 I was winning by miles. 1107 00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,320 This is a very narrow little path, this one. 1108 00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,280 I don't want to be making a mess... Oh, hello. 1109 00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:07,560 Right. 1110 00:54:07,600 --> 00:54:10,880 What that is is a fallen-down tree. 1111 00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:13,520 How the hell do you reverse a trailer? 1112 00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:18,760 So if I turn the steering wheel this way... 1113 00:54:21,040 --> 00:54:23,760 This way. 1114 00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,120 Yeah, I've got it, I've got it. 1115 00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:30,320 This is a bit... No, not... 1116 00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:33,640 Oh, shit, no! Ooh, God! 1117 00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:39,800 Boat is still attached, correct. 1118 00:54:39,840 --> 00:54:42,400 Direction, roughly right. 1119 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:44,440 Everything's excellent. 1120 00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:47,760 Plenty of power, this is good. 1121 00:54:50,000 --> 00:54:52,080 Right, arrow's pointing that way. 1122 00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:55,480 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 1123 00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,280 Now we're making progress. 1124 00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:02,400 I want to go... If I turn into the... 1125 00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,120 No, this way. 1126 00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:11,120 Oh, Christ, that's not right. 1127 00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:13,920 JEREMY: Having carefully unhitched the trailer... 1128 00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:16,080 Right. 1129 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:19,280 I was soon turned round and back on the move 1130 00:55:19,320 --> 00:55:22,400 looking for another route. 1131 00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:27,320 Trailers definitely have an intelligence. 1132 00:55:27,360 --> 00:55:29,760 They have a mind of their own and it's a vindictive mind. 1133 00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:31,480 It wants you to fail. 1134 00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:36,760 JEREMY: And, thanks to its vindictiveness, 1135 00:55:36,800 --> 00:55:39,680 all of my lead in this important race was gone. 1136 00:55:44,440 --> 00:55:46,840 Quite ballsy of Land Rover, really, 1137 00:55:46,880 --> 00:55:51,600 to build a car that doesn't have a low-ratio gearbox. 1138 00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:53,960 But there is a lot of electronically-controlled stuff. 1139 00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:56,760 The central diff, for example, it just locked for me then. 1140 00:55:56,800 --> 00:55:59,560 I can feel it working stuff out, 1141 00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,880 finding the grip on different wheels. 1142 00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,200 And it works: look at that. 1143 00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:11,360 My off-road work is exceptional. 1144 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,880 How long before James May says keep your thumbs out of the steering wheel? 1145 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:19,400 It's all he knows about off-roading. 1146 00:56:19,440 --> 00:56:22,400 Thumbs outside the steering wheel in case it kicks. 1147 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,080 Mud ruts selected. 1148 00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:29,880 Just because it's gone a bit slippery. 1149 00:56:29,920 --> 00:56:33,800 JAMES: But then, I too hit a dead end. 1150 00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:35,040 Oh, cock. 1151 00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,160 Right, trailer reversing tip, 1152 00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:43,360 if I look in the mirror and I say I want the boat to go that side, 1153 00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:45,360 I lift that hand. 1154 00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,640 So you look in the mirror. So I'll do that... 1155 00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:50,600 (THUD) 1156 00:56:54,640 --> 00:56:56,320 Right, well, I am getting closer 1157 00:56:56,360 --> 00:56:57,960 according to my electronic compass. 1158 00:56:58,000 --> 00:56:59,320 This is looking good. 1159 00:57:00,720 --> 00:57:02,720 I've just gotta hope they don't find this track. 1160 00:57:04,680 --> 00:57:08,760 To be honest, in the Raptor, I didn't need a track. 1161 00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:11,960 I'm not a fan of pickup trucks 1162 00:57:12,000 --> 00:57:14,240 and I will kill you if you ever tell Richard Hammond this, 1163 00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,840 but this is impressive. 1164 00:57:17,280 --> 00:57:19,560 It's just drumming its fingers coming along here. 1165 00:57:19,600 --> 00:57:22,440 I mean, if I'd have asked it to tow a battleship, 1166 00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:26,240 maybe it would be struggling a bit, but a speedboat? Pah. 1167 00:57:31,800 --> 00:57:34,120 Yes! Well done you, little car! 1168 00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,880 Do you know, I'm gonna win this. 1169 00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:41,200 Oh, hang on a minute. 1170 00:57:44,240 --> 00:57:46,880 This thing's telling me, it must be the other side of the lake. 1171 00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:50,520 I can see a flag. 1172 00:57:50,560 --> 00:57:52,000 There's a flag. It's there. 1173 00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:54,920 Clearly, it would be impossible 1174 00:57:54,960 --> 00:57:57,960 to drive the Macan round the shoreline. 1175 00:57:58,000 --> 00:58:02,280 So I needed to break out the map and find another route. 1176 00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:04,160 A track, a track, a track. There will be one. 1177 00:58:04,200 --> 00:58:05,680 (HORN BEEPING) 1178 00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:07,800 Oh... Oh, good. 1179 00:58:09,720 --> 00:58:11,760 JEREMY: Why've you stopped here? Finish line's over there. 1180 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,920 Yes, I know, I'm just working out how to get there! 1181 00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:17,680 You just drive round the outside, look, on the beach. 1182 00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:19,320 I can't do that. 1183 00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:21,080 That's cos you're in the wrong car. 1184 00:58:21,120 --> 00:58:23,720 - No, you're in the wrong car. - I'm not in the wrong car! 1185 00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,360 You are! 1186 00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:28,400 JEREMY: Rather than have a pointless debate about this, 1187 00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:33,920 I decided to let the Raptor do the talking. 1188 00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:36,560 Here we go. Oh, yep. 1189 00:58:38,000 --> 00:58:40,200 JAMES: Meanwhile, very far back, 1190 00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:41,840 in a blizzard, on a hill, 1191 00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,280 the Velar's electronics, predictably, 1192 00:58:44,320 --> 00:58:46,360 were starting to struggle. 1193 00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:50,280 Right, no traction launch. Activate. 1194 00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,240 Doesn't like it. 1195 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,920 Oh, no! 1196 00:58:57,160 --> 00:59:00,040 I've gotta be honest, I'm a bit disappointed. 1197 00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,480 I'm using absolutely everything on here. 1198 00:59:05,280 --> 00:59:06,880 No. 1199 00:59:10,320 --> 00:59:11,720 Come on. There you go. 1200 00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:17,240 Oh! What's that big bump? 1201 00:59:17,280 --> 00:59:19,520 This beach is woodier than I thought. 1202 00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:23,480 But the speedboat is still upright, and that's good. 1203 00:59:23,520 --> 00:59:25,800 And round we go. 1204 00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:30,920 Ooh. Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 1205 00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:33,320 No! Bloody hell! 1206 00:59:35,240 --> 00:59:37,480 Distance, reducing. 1207 00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:40,520 Hill descent control is automatically on. 1208 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,360 Controlling the speed with my thumb. 1209 00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,480 It's excellent at going down hills, this Range Rover. 1210 00:59:47,520 --> 00:59:49,200 Not so sure about it going up them. 1211 00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:53,080 JEREMY: Having righted the boat with no help from any of the film crew... 1212 00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:58,240 I was back on the move. 1213 00:59:59,640 --> 01:00:02,080 Stop just dithering about. 1214 01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:05,120 Ooh, God! 1215 01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,440 Found it. 1216 01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:16,120 This is what we need. 1217 01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,560 Proper track. It's farther from the lake, I'll have further to go 1218 01:00:18,600 --> 01:00:20,920 but I can get a move on. 1219 01:00:20,960 --> 01:00:22,680 Now we've got a race on our hands. 1220 01:00:24,040 --> 01:00:26,600 JAMES: Eventually, I arrived at the lake, 1221 01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:28,840 but I wasn't worried about how far back I was 1222 01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:32,080 because I'd had an idea. 1223 01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:35,400 That message from Mr Willman, 1224 01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:38,680 it said the first person to get to the finishing line, didn't it? 1225 01:00:38,720 --> 01:00:40,360 - Is that right, director? - Yes. 1226 01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,080 The first person. Didn't say anything about the car. 1227 01:00:43,120 --> 01:00:47,560 So why don't I just unload the boat and boat across? 1228 01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:50,680 JEREMY: Meanwhile, I'd left the difficult beach through a wood 1229 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:56,000 and was on a track with a problem. 1230 01:00:56,040 --> 01:00:59,080 My vindictive trailer has now decided to have a puncture. 1231 01:01:02,360 --> 01:01:06,000 Well, I'm going to pay it back by not stopping cos I haven't got time. 1232 01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:10,800 JEREMY: I didn't even stop when the vindictive trailer decided to be on fire. 1233 01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:22,760 Oh, I'm gonna lose that outboard. 1234 01:01:26,800 --> 01:01:28,320 (GROANS) 1235 01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:30,920 Boat suit. 1236 01:01:36,160 --> 01:01:40,520 One wheel on my wagon and I'm still rolling along. 1237 01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,880 This is good. This is very good. 1238 01:01:43,920 --> 01:01:45,720 But then... 1239 01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:47,360 Bloody hell. 1240 01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:49,720 No! I'm in another dead end! 1241 01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,880 There was only one thing for it: 1242 01:01:52,920 --> 01:01:55,400 another manual three-point turn. 1243 01:01:55,440 --> 01:01:57,200 (GROANING) 1244 01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:01,400 (GRUNTING) 1245 01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:06,440 This steel's just so warm and comfortable! 1246 01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:13,240 Whoa! Come on! 1247 01:02:14,480 --> 01:02:15,760 Drifting my boat. 1248 01:02:29,320 --> 01:02:30,920 (SIGHS) I'm 57. 1249 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,800 No! No, no! 1250 01:02:44,560 --> 01:02:46,240 Come on, come on, come on. 1251 01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:48,920 Right. 1252 01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:52,040 JAMES: Meanwhile, I was ready for the final charge. 1253 01:02:52,080 --> 01:02:53,640 Goodbye, losers. 1254 01:02:53,680 --> 01:02:56,520 Ignition, start! 1255 01:02:56,560 --> 01:02:58,120 (ENGINE REVS) 1256 01:02:58,160 --> 01:02:59,720 (ENGINE SPUTTERS) 1257 01:03:03,680 --> 01:03:06,520 Oh, cock. 1258 01:03:06,560 --> 01:03:08,160 (RICHARD LAUGHS) 1259 01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:11,400 I'm just going as fast as I dare. 1260 01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:17,760 Speed... speed power. 1261 01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:22,440 JAMES: With the other two heading for failure, 1262 01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:24,960 I got HMS Orange started 1263 01:03:25,000 --> 01:03:28,360 and was cruising to an easy win. 1264 01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:29,880 This is just brilliant. 1265 01:03:29,920 --> 01:03:31,720 Full throttle! 1266 01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,280 Oh, cock. 1267 01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,240 The boat is beginning to behave oddly! 1268 01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:51,360 There is a bit of water coming in, but it's not very far. 1269 01:03:57,680 --> 01:03:59,200 Come on! 1270 01:04:03,760 --> 01:04:05,120 There's the flag! 1271 01:04:08,200 --> 01:04:10,960 Oh, really? 1272 01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,720 Los-er! 1273 01:04:12,760 --> 01:04:15,440 Oh, God. 1274 01:04:15,480 --> 01:04:17,880 - Well, hang on a minute. - What? 1275 01:04:17,920 --> 01:04:19,320 Where's your boat? 1276 01:04:19,360 --> 01:04:21,400 - It's there. - No, it's not. 1277 01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:23,720 It's just some bits of boat! 1278 01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,200 It's a boat jigsaw. 1279 01:04:26,240 --> 01:04:28,960 So you're finishing this race without your car, 1280 01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,800 without your trailer or the boat that was on it... 1281 01:04:31,840 --> 01:04:34,080 - I have got the boat! - You've got some bits of boat. 1282 01:04:34,120 --> 01:04:36,200 - You're claiming to be the winner. - Listen. 1283 01:04:36,240 --> 01:04:38,640 You've come second, you're taking it badly. 1284 01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:40,560 I think it doesn't matter 1285 01:04:40,600 --> 01:04:43,760 because an even more interesting race 1286 01:04:43,800 --> 01:04:46,560 is developing out on the water as we speak. 1287 01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:50,800 Handling is affected by water ingress! 1288 01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:52,800 It's getting closer to my kneecaps! 1289 01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:55,640 Oh, Canadian flag, come on! 1290 01:04:55,680 --> 01:05:00,160 Will he make it to the finish point before he sinks? 1291 01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:02,800 - That's got some tension in it, hasn't it? - I know! 1292 01:05:02,840 --> 01:05:04,800 There's no tension here, this is done. 1293 01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:06,920 - Oh, yeah, this is very tense. - But we'll give you more. 1294 01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:08,680 You two! Help! 1295 01:05:08,720 --> 01:05:11,680 Come and rescue! I'm going down! 1296 01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,880 My boat's smashed to pieces, James, 1297 01:05:13,920 --> 01:05:15,440 I can't help you with that. 1298 01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:19,600 My boat's, look, it'll take me ages. It's all the way over there! 1299 01:05:19,640 --> 01:05:21,520 It's going down! 1300 01:05:21,560 --> 01:05:24,480 I'd have to move mine out of the way... 1301 01:05:24,520 --> 01:05:27,120 And then I'd have to walk up there, along those rocks... 1302 01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:30,360 It's gone! Oh, Jesus, ah! 1303 01:05:30,400 --> 01:05:32,000 It's so cold! 1304 01:05:32,040 --> 01:05:34,800 - JEREMY: Look, he's going... - Argh, you bastard! 1305 01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:36,360 JEREMY: Have you ever seen... 1306 01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:38,480 Argh! My testicles are retreating! 1307 01:05:38,520 --> 01:05:40,360 We don't need to know that! 1308 01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,360 - (CRIES OUT) - Oh, no! 1309 01:05:42,400 --> 01:05:44,520 - Ooh! - Oh! Oh! 1310 01:05:44,560 --> 01:05:46,400 That hurt me just watching! 1311 01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:48,720 I've got a runny nose thinking of it. 1312 01:05:48,760 --> 01:05:50,000 My bits just shrivelled! 1313 01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:51,240 (APPLAUSE) 1314 01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:54,080 - (CHEERING) - That was a cold, cold day. 1315 01:05:54,120 --> 01:05:56,640 - What could we do? - I wouldn't want to be in that water. 1316 01:05:56,680 --> 01:05:59,560 - You couldn't help. - I really wouldn't. 1317 01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:06,760 What that film proves is that if you want to buy a Range Rover Velar 1318 01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:08,840 or a Stelvio or a Macan, 1319 01:06:08,880 --> 01:06:11,280 you're better off with a Ford Raptor. 1320 01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:15,440 Yeah, not only that, the Raptor is actually nearly half the price. 1321 01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:18,440 Yes, but you can't buy a Raptor in Britain. 1322 01:06:18,480 --> 01:06:20,720 And so, on that terrible disappointment, 1323 01:06:20,760 --> 01:06:23,600 for you lot, at least, it's time to end. 1324 01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:25,440 Thank you so much for watching, goodbye! 1325 01:06:25,480 --> 01:06:27,360 (CHEERING)